he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
