i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
