If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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