just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
