Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize