Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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