Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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