i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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