how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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