hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize