I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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