we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
