I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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