you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
