In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
