I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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