you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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