I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
