My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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