Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
