With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
