im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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