Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
