i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
