walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
