Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
