Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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