Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
