i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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