FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize