girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
