are you still at the devil's house?
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can't motorboat a personality
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
