yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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