How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
