Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
