Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Enjoy the penises
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
