Four minutes until I can fart!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
