I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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