i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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