Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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