Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you traded sex for a burrito?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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