Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
