my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
