Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
