I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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