saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
