Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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