My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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