Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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