oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
