my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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