Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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