Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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