I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
