will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
