dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
