come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I AM VODKA MAN
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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