Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
