Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
