Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
