At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
