perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
