Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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