watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
