Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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