Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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