Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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